I held my head in my hands. “Please, make it stop.”

  Henry continued, to the joy of everyone else. His energy was contagious, and I was so fixated on his storytelling, that I didn’t notice the others had, one by one, slowly stopped laughing and sat up straighter.

  Henry finally followed their eyes and quieted, causing me to turn.

  Lars was standing there, unsmiling.

  “Excuse me. I need to speak with Nadia.”

  She nodded, smiling at him, even though he looked like his normal stoic self. “I’ll be right back,” she told all of us.

  The others picked right back up where they left off before Lars’ interruption, but I couldn’t help but wonder what he needed her for and not me. It was childish, but I wanted him to be confiding in me, checking in, and seeing what I thought about things. Not that I knew anything. At this point, what reason did he even have to trust my judgment?

  I shook my head, wanting desperately to shake the jealousy that was building.

  I pushed my chair away from the table and rose suddenly, exiting the room without a word.

  Before I could make my way around the corner to the stairwell to Lars’ office, I caught Nadia’s voice.

  “I’ve been informed two patrols have gone missing. My fear is they are closing in on our location. If they do”—there was a slight pause and a sigh—“I won’t be able to keep them out for very long.”

  “You’ve done more than your fair share, Nadia. Don’t doubt your abilities. Thank you for alerting me. I’ll need to go meet with my contact. We must know what these disappearances mean.”

  “I could go if you’re worried,” Nadia offered.

  “No, you’ll stay here. This is where you’re needed right now. Thank you.”

  The talking stopped, and I heard footsteps against the wooden floor coming my way. I glanced around, quickly trying to see where I could hide, but found nothing. I attempted to look natural and simply started walking forward, ready to collide with whoever was headed this way.

  “Hey.” I tried to recover and think of a reason for being in the hallway, but I was awkward as Nadia appeared close to where I had been standing.

  She looked surprised but recovered. “Hi Jules.”

  “Jules,” Lars’ voice sounded from the hallway, “Come with me.”

  I looked at the ground as I passed Nadia, feeling a flush come over my face. I was sure they both knew I’d been standing there.

  I walked in silence as I caught up to Lars and followed closely behind him as we made our way into his office. He led me over to the chairs in front of the marble fireplace.

  The silence had grown uncomfortable. Lars sat and motioned for me to do the same.

  “I must leave for a while,” he finally told me.

  “I—I heard,” I admitted.

  “Nadia’s fears seem significant, and I need to find out what’s happening outside our walls. For our safety, it takes a few days’ time to complete our meetings.”

  I swallowed, trying to think of intelligent questions to ask so that I could be relied on more in the future. “You have someone on the inside?”

  “It’s how we have been able to gain some information that has allowed us to remain a relevant force if it comes to war. It’s a cultivated relationship and we’ve been lucky to have it.” Lars watched the crackling fire as orange colors danced across his features. The flickering light revealed the shadows clouding his face.

  “When I told you not to go after Nadia, it wasn’t to keep you locked away.” Lars may have been speaking to me, but he was watching the fire as if he was in his own world. “It was because I wanted to make contact and get more information to make it an easier mission. I’d never leave someone behind.”

  My chest constricted as he spoke.

  “I was harsh with you, instead of understanding upon your return. I apologize.”

  Lars finally looked away from the fire and over to me. My hands rested on my legs. He placed his hand over mine gently.

  “Having you here is still surreal for me. I haven’t been a very good grandfather. I’ve been focused on being a leader, but perhaps that’s not the only thing you need. I want to teach you, but I want to cherish you and build the relationship we should have always had.”

  I nodded, choking back tears at the admission. “I’m sorry I’ve let you down.”

  He tsked. “You’re young. And I meant what I said, that the guilt would stay with you. But you made a decision and it’s over. You acted out of love and that’s not so terrible all the time.”

  We both sat in a peaceful silence, staring at the fire. The bond I’d been desperate for seemed to slowly be developing, allowing a hope in me that hadn’t been there since meeting Lars.

  “What do you think your informant has to say?” I asked, wanting to show him I could be both a leader and his granddaughter.

  Lars shrugged one shoulder. “Perhaps something regarding your recent mission there. I’m not entirely sure.”

  “When do you leave?”

  “Soon.”

  Lars leaned back into his chair and closed his eyes, basking in the low glow of the room. I watched him, really looked at him for the first time. He had wrinkles all over his face, but the ones that stood out most to me were the laugh lines by his eyes. He didn’t seem like a person who lost themselves to laughter often. The frown lines were there, too—worry marks. I knew nothing about this man, but the map his face laid out made him even more of a mystery.

  He opened one eye and raised his eyebrow as his lips turned upward in a faint tug.

  “I recognize that look.” His smile turned to one of sadness. “It’s your father’s curiosity coming out in you. If I’m not mistaken, your grandmother said I had the same expression on my face when I held you for the first time.” He cleared his throat, and I could have sworn there was a glisten to his eyes.

  “You held me?” The change in conversation took me by surprise.

  “I was the first one, well,” He shrugged slightly, “besides your parents, of course. They thought we bonded.” He rose from his chair suddenly, clearing his throat and resting his arm upon the marble shelf of the fireplace. “Perhaps we would have if things were different.”

  This was what I had been waiting for, a moment of humanity from him. Something to show me that he cared. That my own family cared for me and cared that I was there, not as a vampire hunter, but as a granddaughter. His admission brought up emotions and memories of my family and how alone I’d been feeling. I choked back a sob and swallowed as I rose to stand next to him. “Perhaps we will have it now.”

  He turned, patting my hand. “I need you to continue training while I’m gone. Don’t fall behind,” he said. The only Lars I’d known was back. I straightened and nodded.

  “Look for my return in about seventy-two hours. We’ll be able to figure things out from there and work on our next course of action.”

  I recognized my dismissal and made my way toward the doors of his office. I paused, turning around before I left. “Be safe.”

  The hint of a smile lingered on his face as he gave me a silent nod and paced around his office. I left him to his thoughts and preparation in peace. In seventy-two hours, we may know something that could give us an edge in this. Maybe the end wasn’t as far off as they thought. Maybe, just maybe, life could begin again. I could lead beside my family, no longer alone, without the burden of an evil like Mathias.

  13

  Sixty hours. We were sixty hours into Lars’ mission, and I was on the brink of losing it. I’d studied, I’d trained, I’d done everything I said I would with an increased vigor. Andrew was the main one beside me through it all, pushing me as if he knew I needed the distraction. Seeley hadn’t been around much, and Henry had been doing his own training. He’d joined me a few times, but mostly I was on my own.

  Alone.

  I didn’t do well with being alone, at least not when I didn’t have something to occupy me. I’d been alone plenty of times for studying and research growing up, but this loneliness was different. Seeley had filled a part of my heart that I hadn’t known was empty. Now that I knew what that was, his absence allowed me to acknowledge what the gaping pit felt like.

  When I wasn’t lonely from Seeley’s absence, I was worrying about my grandfather. No one else seemed the least bit concerned, which should have been reassuring for me. Instead, it just made me feel further away from those around me.

  Restless, and knowing no way to stop it, I went back to the library in the hopes of finding something important to dwell on for the next twelve hours. There was a lot of history I could brush up on after all, centuries worth of legacy I’d need to learn if I was going to be the last Van Helsing.

  No, I couldn’t think like that. He’d come back. I wouldn’t lose him this soon after discovering I wasn’t alone anymore.

  I walked into the beautiful library and saw Henry and Nadia laughing at a table. There were a few books spread out between them. I immediately regretted coming in so loudly and tried to sneak back out, almost making it out the door when I heard Henry’s voice.

  “Jules?”

  “Hey,” I responded quietly and started biting at my lip. “I didn’t mean to interrupt …” I started to say and went to back out of the room again.

  “You’re never an interruption.” Henry laughed freely, and the worry I didn’t realize I’d been holding in for him and his behavior during Nadia’s mission faded.

  “Hey, Jules.” Nadia smiled brightly at me.

  “How are you holding up?” Henry asked.

  “Oh, fine. I, uh, I’m sure he’ll be fine out there. He’s the strongest Van Helsing right now, so that’s got to mean something.” I started fidgeting with my oversized T-shirt and backed away again. I looked like a hobo, actually. “I’m just, I’m going to go.” I turned, but Nadia called out.

  “Actually, I’m glad you’re here, there’s something I wanted to show you.” Nadia rose from the table, lifting the book in front of her, but before she could proceed, I stopped her.

  I turned away after smiling politely. “I just forgot I had training. I’ll…” I paused and grasped the door handle. “See you later.”

  I didn’t want to interrupt Henry when he barely had any time with Nadia as it was. I wandered toward the training room, noticing it was empty and entered. I fell onto the mat, spreading my legs out and closing my eyes. I lay my hands down at my sides and tried to take a few deep breaths to slow my wayward mind.

  I barely felt a presence and was startled when I opened my eyes and Seeley was lying next to me.

  “Hi,” I whispered.

  He turned his head and faced me. “Hi.”

  I let out a shaky breath, but it was no longer one of fear and dread. Seeley’s presence instantly took those negative thoughts away and replaced them with much happier ones in my mind. Ones I probably shouldn’t have been thinking since we’d agreed to stop.

  “I was going to let you have your space.” He interrupted the silence. “But I can feel everything you’re feeling, Jules. We may not be having the same experience you and Kellan had when he drank your blood, and perhaps it’s because of how it was done, but I can feel everything. And it’s breaking my heart.”

  He looked at me, wearing the sadness on his face that I’d been feeling deep inside.

  “I’m worried about Lars.”

  “I know.”

  “And I miss you,” I added.

  I was lonely, fearful. The conflicting emotions within me hadn’t quelled after our mission. I had such high expectations meeting my long-lost grandfather, but our relationship wasn’t what I’d wanted. I made poor choices that resulted in loss of life. I didn’t think my training was progressing enough to make me the leader everyone was counting on me to be. And the man I’d wanted to rely on in everything, was the one causing a distraction I’d convinced myself wasn’t good right now. A tear fell from my eye.

  Seeley’s hand grabbed mine. “I know.” His voice cracked, but I didn’t push it. Even though I noticed he didn’t say he missed me, too.

  “I wish he wasn’t alone out there,” I added.

  “He’s not alone, Jules. I sent Gabe and a few others to follow and hang back in case anything went wrong.”

  “What?” I bolted upright, surprised by his statement. “Isn’t that dangerous for Gabe? For all of them?”

  Seeley slowly rolled over and knelt in front of me. “Gabe and the others can take care of themselves.”

  Knowing that there were others with Lars brought me a comfort I hadn’t felt since before he left. I sighed, taking Seeley’s hands in mine. “Thank you.”

  “You’re not alone, either,” he said, squeezing my hands.

  Dang it. He really could feel what I was feeling.

  “I just didn’t think spending time with you was a good idea.” I wasn’t sure what Seeley expected me to say. If he could feel my emotions, then he should have known I was torn. Instead of helping me, he seemed to be avoiding the topic. Even though, to be fair, I’d made the initial call to stop things between us.

  “Why not?” he asked, his eyes narrowed on mine as I desperately tried not to meet his determined gaze.

  “You know why. I just, I don’t know—I…” I couldn’t form a coherent thought.

  The truth was, what Lars said had gotten to me, and I worried that his disapproval might have had merit, and that Seeley and I shouldn’t be together. That we were different, never meant to come together in that way. And it killed me. Even if he wasn’t right, how would this work? I couldn’t be more concerned with him than with the entire population we were charged to protect.

  “You agreed with me, anyway.” I pushed off the floor and stood.

  “I know that, but I told you I can feel everything, Jules. I know what you’re going through because it’s tearing through me as well every time you think about us. It’s killing me. You’re not sleeping, you’re not eating. You’re worried about everything. Let me be there for you.”

  I took a few steps back from him. His scent, his presence was a distraction from everything. It was home, and goodness and love, and as much as I craved it, it would be harder to leave again if I had to. So instead of grabbing the opening and acknowledging Seeley knew I had doubts, I pulled away.

  He refused my retreat and took a step toward me and touched my face gently. “We can talk about this. We can talk about anything, just don’t shut me out.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Jules.” He took my hand in his. “Love with you is a life-changing love, a lifesaving love. I’ll take whatever kind of love you want to give, whether in friendship, or something more. It’ll be your choice, always. And I’ll be here when you’re ready to truly make that decision.”

  Hearing his words broke me. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be near him any longer.

  I fled. I ran from the room and prayed he wouldn’t follow.

  When I got to my own room, I shut the door and fell beside it, sobbing. The emptiness and fear returned, and it was eating at me. Knowing that Seeley could feel the same things made it that much worse, but I couldn’t stop. I crawled toward my bed and leaned my back against it.

  This must have been what an absolute breakdown looked like. I hadn’t had time to have one when Aunt Amanda—well, I guess her real name was Lizzy—was murdered. I didn’t have time to grieve Nessa. I hadn’t grieved the loss of my old life, my normal life. With so much influx now, it was all I could do to bring my knees to my chest and fixate on the clock.

  So, that’s what I did. I watched the minutes tick by at first, and somehow became transfixed on watching the numbers turn instead of the pain. Before I knew it, I’d been in the same position a few hours. My butt was numb, my arms were tingling, but I didn’t move. I simply watched time pass me by.

  I finally closed my eyes for a moment, realizing I only had six hours left until we’d be hearing from my grandfather. He’d come back and tell us what his inside man had to say, then we’d be able to form a plan. This waiting would be over, and we’d all move forward together and fight.

  A commotion below drew me out of my self-induced trance. There was thudding and shouting, and I pulled myself up to see what was going on.

  I made my way down the stairs and saw a group of vampires in the foyer. Seeley was shouting in a tone I’d never witnessed before.

  “And so, you thought the best option was to return here without them?” he yelled, only inches from one of his vampires’ face.

  I looked at these strong, capable beings and saw weary soldiers. They were covered in dirt and blood. My heart stopped. Seeley had sent other vampires out to watch Lars, but as I looked around, my grandfather wasn’t here.

  My hands shook as I stood at the top of the stairs observing the scene before me, and I clasped them together in an effort to steady my racing nerves. I held my head high and descended.

  “What’s going on?”

  Seeley turned slowly, his fangs were bared, and his anger twisted his face in a way that was new to me. Instinctively I reached out and touched his arm, and the anger seemed to dissipate momentarily.

  “It might be best to go back upstairs,” he said.

  The comment infuriated me. “Seeing as this is a hunter’s home, perhaps I should stay right here so you can tell me what’s happened.” My voice carried an authority it had been lacking. Seeley’s gaze was mixed with pride and sorrow, and I knew something was very wrong.

  “These are the men I sent to monitor Lars.” He nodded behind him as we talked. “They were ambushed.”

  My stomach tightened, but I tried to stay strong.

  “And where is my grandfather now?”

  Seeley hesitated, and the vampires behind him hung their heads. I bit my lip hard to keep me grounded in this moment, fearing the worst.

  “Lars and Gabe were separated from the rest. No one knows where they are.”

  “What happened?” I retained my cool in a way that was out of character, at least out of character for me as of late.

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21