I wavered, feeling as if I’d collapse on my feet. I was exhausted—mentally and physically. But I lifted my chin and made my way slowly from the room, shutting the door behind me.

  Seeley was standing outside my bedroom as I came around the corner. He observed me like a nuance he couldn’t understand, and it bothered me.

  “I have to train,” I said abruptly as I pushed past him.

  “Jules.” He sighed. “Do you want to talk about this?” Seeley let me pass but didn’t leave me alone.

  I brought my hands up to my head, rubbing my temples.

  “Not right now.”

  By the time I turned around, he was gone. The discomfort that brought was heavy. I didn’t mean to snap at him. He’d just endured the verbal lashing I had. But I couldn’t think about anything else right now, much less discuss the intense emotions swirling around inside my heart and head.

  I wanted to lie down on my bed, but I knew if I did, I wouldn’t get up again. The weight from everything alone was enough to throw me into a spiral, and that was before the exhaustion. But Lars, in what I could only imagine was an effort to make me pay for my recklessness, insisted on training right away.

  I quickly dressed and went to the training room. I found Mr. Thornton looking out the large bay windows as I entered. He turned his head to the side upon my entry but didn’t greet me.

  I walked over to the mats and began stretching, not sure what this particular session would entail. He didn’t move the entire time I stretched out. I moved on and warmed up as he had shown me before, but still he did nothing. When I was done, I stood in the middle of the room watching his back.

  “Are you going to yell at me, too?” I asked, finally breaking the silence.

  He turned and walked over to me. “Would you like me to yell?”

  I shrugged, not sure of what I wanted or needed at the moment.

  “I’d imagine you got an earful already.”

  “So why aren’t you talking?” I pressed.

  He looked at me with soft eyes as I stood there in frustration. I could feel a million different emotions radiating off of me. I was sure anyone could see I wasn’t okay. And instead of my own family noticing, it was Mr. Thornton.

  “If I had to guess, I’d say you learned your lesson. There will always be impossible decisions as a leader. But until you are ready to make those calls, you must listen to those wiser than you. We’re here to counsel you and make you better. Not hinder you because we feel like it.” He grabbed a large bo staff and tossed it my way. “Let’s get to work so you can rest.”

  I caught the staff and took a deep breath, desperate to center myself for training.

  He didn’t go easy on me, even when my fatigue crept into my fighting. He knew I was weak, but he didn’t let my overtiredness stop our lessons. In a way I was thankful for it. I needed something to make me feel strength again.

  As we slowed down, I dropped my staff, panting, and placed my head between my legs.

  “I was so weak,” I yelled as I collapsed to my knees. “I was so weak.”

  Andrew took a knee beside me and rested his hand on my shoulder.

  “I could barely defeat one vampire. Everyone’s lives were in danger because of me, and I could barely help by destroying one enemy.” I stood, throwing the staff across the room in a huff as my body tingled with rage, anger, and hurt.

  “Jules, look at me.” He rose and stood in front of me.

  I slowly made eye contact.

  “You have more power inside you than you even realize.”

  “Except I can’t figure out how to get to it,” I huffed.

  Andrew looked at me crossly and quirked his eyebrow and I stopped. “Sorry.”

  “You are born of two hunters. You may be growing tired of hearing it, but that is exactly what you need to come to fully understand. If you can tap into what I know is inside you, you’ll unlock knowledge that will be unmatched. You have more strength and willpower in your genes than any can imagine. And you, Jules Parker, were meant to become Jules Van Helsing. And you will if you trust yourself. Trust your grandfather. Trust those around you.”

  I shivered at his words. It was easy for everyone to tell me to simply unlock my potential. “But how do I let that strength out?”

  Andrew smiled. “That’s up to you. When it’s time, you’ll find a way.”

  With that, he handed me his equipment and walked out. I sighed, picking up the remnants of our training session. Again, the rage built inside me, and I knocked over a stand of weapons, screaming as I did. There was too much to think about, too much I had to do, and all I was accomplishing was failing.

  I turned around and saw Seeley, leaning against the doorframe into the training room. I sighed, turning back to the equipment and began putting things back where they belonged.

  “Come here,” Seeley urged.

  “I can’t talk right now.” I swallowed hard, not wanting to face him.

  Lars was right; my feelings for Seeley were too strong. He was the most important thing to me. Somehow, his presence had gotten so deep inside my skin that it was now what I craved most. I was relying on his thoughts, his attention, his view of me. I wasn’t focused on my training, the people we needed to save. No, it was Seeley. I needed to focus on what was important or I’d fail and not only just let people down, but ruin and destroy thousands of lives. People would die if I couldn’t pull myself together in a professional way.

  “Fight me,” Seeley commanded, ignoring my previous request.

  “What?” I asked, shocked at the simple command.

  I turned around and he was already in the middle of the room. “Grab a weapon and fight me. You’ll feel better. You clearly didn’t get enough out at training.”

  I clenched my jaw before quickly grabbing a stake and running toward him. He blocked all my advances, and soon I was simply slashing around with no strategy at all. I went to take a final swing and tripped. I threw my hands out to stop myself, but Seeley grabbed me at the last minute. His shift in our positions sent me tumbling further, until he caught me and turned, so that it was his body that hit the floor, cushioning my fall.

  I grunted as the air left my lungs quickly.

  He held onto me and smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. The too-familiar current of electricity ran through me and I quivered, watching as his smile slowly faded from his face and he searched my eyes. A frown settled on his perfectly sculpted face as his focus shifted to my lips.

  I trembled looking down at his mouth before closing my eyes. I had to focus. We had to focus.

  I cleared my throat and started to get up. Seeley’s hands held me in place, but only briefly before he helped me stand. I tugged my shirt down that had risen around my hips, either by my fall, or perhaps his flawless hands.

  “Do you … do you agree with what Lars said about, you know”—I swallowed and adjusted nervously—“Us?” I asked, curiously.

  Seeley pursed his lips and looked at me, longingly, but didn’t respond. I took that as a cue to clarify.

  “I know you were concerned about complications between us before, given who we are. I just wasn’t sure if anything he said might have changed your mind, or maybe if you agreed we should ...” I trailed off.

  Seeley watched me for a moment before speaking. He hung his head as he finished my sentence.

  “Stop?”

  “This thing between us. Do you think it’s not meant to be?” I was terrified for his answer. I regretted it the minute it came out of my mouth.

  Seeley had a pained expression on his face that I couldn’t read. He studied me a moment longer, as if he was somehow reading me better than he had ever done before. “I don’t know, Jules.” He leaned back against one of the rolled-up mats. He eyed me carefully. “Perhaps he is right. We have a lot to focus on.”

  The minute he said the words, I could feel my face fall. I teared up and I rubbed my hands over my eyes furiously. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.” I turned, moving away from Seeley.

  I couldn't’ look at him. The man who broke me out of my tunnel vision when I was totally focused on my career and not on anything else around me. The man who introduced me to the world I now lived in and the world I played such a large role in. The vampire who I had completely fallen in love with. Everything I’d never known I wanted was slipping through my grasp.

  “You’re upset over what might have been. I don’t think it’s a reason to apologize.” He was in front of me before I realized it and lifted my face to his as he wiped a tear away.

  It was incredibly comforting. I felt the tug and wanted him to take me right there and forget about this conversation, but he didn’t.

  “Are you?” I asked timidly.

  “Of course. But I want you to be happy more than anything else. Our relationship shouldn’t be a weight on your shoulders. If it is, then it’s not the right time. I’ll always be here for you, Jules. For anything. And I care about you. I love you, even if perhaps we aren’t meant to be more than friends and allies.”

  I wiped my falling tears away, not sure what to say. Perhaps this was right. For now? Forever? I didn’t know, but the sting of Lars’ words were too strong in my mind to ignore.

  I tried to toughen up and shoved Seeley playfully away. “You won’t be able to get rid of me, no matter what happens. Someone has to watch out for when you let those vampires get out of control, Your Majesty.”

  Seeley let out his wonderful laugh. “Oh, I know you’ll keep me in line.”

  I could feel his eyes on me as he watched me carefully while I started cleaning up the training room. “What?” I said looking back at him.

  “Nothing.” Seeley looked resigned to keep whatever it was on his mind to himself for now. “You’re on your own for cleanup duty.” He winked and darted out of the room before I could even argue.

  I sat down, letting the last remaining tears fall from my eyes before I went back to my task of cleaning up the training room and finally getting some rest.

  12

  I knew I was being watched as I put the last weapon back on the shelves and turned to find Rebecca standing at the entrance to the room.

  “Miss me?” she said.

  I rolled my eyes. “I have wondered where your pleasantries have been.”

  Rebecca let out an actual laugh, and it took me by surprise. “We have training, too, you know. Not all of our lives revolve around the great Jules Parker,” she scoffed. “I mean, Jules Van Helsing.”

  She picked up a few weapons I had just cleaned and put away, then twirled them around while holding a thin blade. Elegantly and gracefully, she spun before landing in a striking pose in front of me. I leaned my head back, and she stood up.

  “He’s lying.” She set the weapon back down, not bothering to look at me as she did.

  I frowned. “What are you talking about? Who?”

  “Seeley. He’s lying when he says he thinks you aren’t meant to be,” she stated with a slight annoyance as she stalked toward me with an unusual look on her face.

  Her arrogant demeanor irritated me immensely. The last thing I needed was her snotty remarks. Rebecca had always been difficult, but this was none of her business, and it certainly wasn’t her place to start doling out unwanted opinions.

  “I didn’t think our conversation involved you. Besides, wouldn’t you be happy to be rid of me after all this?” I snapped.

  “No.” Rebecca had perfected speaking with an expressionless look on her face. “Despite what you think of me I’ve been in your position before,” she continued, not letting her emotions get the better of her at all. In fact, she was eerily calm. And if I was reading her right, straining to keep it that way.

  I stared at her, dumfounded, before she continued.

  “Gabriel said the same thing to me that Seeley did to you. I wasn’t royalty. I was a nobody. I had wrongly assumed that not being with Gabriel would allow him to be with someone stronger. I struggled with allowing us to be together, and eventually Gabriel made the decision for me by saying we’d remain friends if it was what I wanted. So, I chose another mate. But my someone else left me because we weren’t right together. He wasn’t the one and he knew it.

  “I lost Gabriel who would have been the one. And I’ll never have him back now.” She ran her hands along the weapons lining the training room with a sad look in her eyes.

  “So now you think Seeley is the one for me?” I was shocked at the thought that Rebecca would ever imply that I should be with any of them, romantically or not.

  “Not necessarily. I’m saying that those brothers think that they know best, and that they help you by removing themselves from difficult situations. I’m saying listen to your heart before you make a choice, and don’t believe what he’s telling you right now. It should be your choice, and you need to think about what it is that you truly want.

  “A life with Seeley may not be easy, but perhaps you weren’t meant to have an easy life. Just because it’s complicated doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be spectacular. Don’t choose based on the opinion that there isn’t a choice to make any longer. Seeley Ronan is in love with you.” She looked me over once more before walking out of the room and leaving me to my tumultuous thoughts after the bomb she just dropped on me.

  To think Rebecca and Gabriel had that kind of history was crazy. I knew there seemed to be something more there, and that she cared for him. A part of me knew she loved him based on her demeanor when we rescued him from Marissa, but to know she hadn’t picked him in some other lifetime made their friendship seem that much more complex. I didn’t want that for myself—the regret she clearly held.

  I walked out of the room, shaking the thoughts from my mind. Regardless of the regret that may come, there were more important things happening around me than my love life. And that was where my focus should lie. At least for the time being.

  With a newfound resolve to concentrate my attention on becoming a better version of myself, I left the training room and headed toward the solitude of my own room to sleep off the remaining doubts I felt.

  I walked into my room to find Nadia sitting on my bed. Today was turning into the longest day of my life, and if I had one more visitor or deep conversation, I might break completely.

  She gave me a sympathetic smile. “Seeley said you weren’t doing well. I thought you might want to talk.”

  I threw my shoes across the room and collapsed onto my bed. I wasn’t comfortable with Nadia yet, but the exhaustion was too much, and I didn’t feel like fighting her presence there. I had been up all night, went through the emotional upheaval of pausing things with Seeley, and I just wanted to sleep.

  “Can we talk later? I’m so tired.” My voice shook.

  “I know we haven’t become very good friends yet, but I am here. Henry’s spoken so highly of you, I feel like I could be there for you. It must be hard not knowing many people,” she said. Then, as if sensing my discomfort, she added, “Just if you want.”

  I softened and knew Henry had probably encouraged her to talk to me. I was becoming a bit of a loner here, and I knew I would need support from someone. “Thank you, Nadia. I’ll find you if I want to talk. I promise.”

  She nodded, giving me a sincere smile and then left leaving me to my restless thoughts.

  I groggily checked my clock to see that I had slept the entire day. I lay in bed a few moments longer, slowly letting my mind adjust to everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. I took a shaky breath and rose from the bed.

  The house seemed quiet, until I heard laughter creeping up the stairs outside my door. I made my way into the hallway and found myself following the sounds to the kitchen. I came around the corner and saw Henry, Nadia, Gabe, Rebecca, and Seeley sitting around the table talking. I hesitated before entering. There weren’t any additional chairs, and as much as I wanted to cozy up with my friends, I felt awkward, like a stranger all of a sudden.

  Henry didn’t let my hesitation last. He called for me to come over and moved to a bar stool behind the table, rubbing my shoulders as I sat.

  “Nadia was just telling us how emo Henry was at Falcone.” Rebecca laughed.

  “I will find your stories and then you won’t be laughing, Becs.” Henry teasingly pointed at her.

  I had forgotten how their friendship had grown when they had tried to rescue me from Marissa. Was that really only a few months ago?

  I met Seeley’s eyes and he was watching me with a heated gaze. That connection that had developed since he had drunk from me flared. I shifted uncomfortably from the attention, and the desire it raised in me. Now was certainly not the time to have such a strong pull to him. Especially not after today’s conversation in the training room.

  I sat listening to the six of them interacting; something Rebecca had said earlier hit me hard. That the world didn’t revolve around me. And it was evident here in the best way. These people I loved were all together, for the most bizarre reasons, ones I’d never have predicted. And they were getting along, developing their own relationships amongst themselves. I looked around, watching each of them talk and laugh and felt a growing appreciation welling in my gut.

  This is what we were fighting for. Peace, laughter, friendship. Guardians, vampires, fae, and humans all together filling the world with happiness. In Mathias’ world we wouldn’t interact. Moments like these wouldn’t come to be. And this right here, happening everywhere all over the world was worth saving.

  I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Henry start rehashing the first time I ever drank in college.

  “Don’t you dare,” I shouted at him, throwing my hands out.

  He practically fell off the barstool laughing. “She went up to the bouncer demanding he give Abbey her phone back. She full-on started telling everyone in the bar that he was a thief and she’d call the police. Over a phone that the guy would have no reason to have.”

  “What?” Nadia gasped.

  “Jules took on this highly erratic, overprotective state the first time she drank. She got chucked out of there so fast when she wailed on the guy, saying he should be ashamed of himself.”

 

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